Triumph over the dragon
| Autor: | Darcen |
|---|---|
| Přidáno: | |
| Hlasovalo: | 8 |
was deadly and fourious,
it will came one herd and elves priest,
and he really good this dragon knows.
This hero comes from mistyc woods,
he destroyed many evil kults.
He comes only with magic bow and blade,
to kill this evil tyrant is his fate.
He is very peacefull and brave,
But he doesn’t want be more dragon slave.
This dragon kill many people with rage,
heroes mind called for ravange.
Tragic and horrible fight was in cave,
all two fighters was very, very brave.
This Elf was mighty wizard,
he has called destructive blizard.
Dragon was surprised of strong this small Elf,
when he hit hero injured himself.
Hero has won with triumph in cave,
this was grand wictory of his brave.
That was realit, not a dream,
this Elf was happy because he win.
All people sung lovely rhapsody,
In this land was no place for tragedy.
Triumph over the dragon,
will bring for all their freedom.
People will never be sad,
because their tyrant is dead.
The shade has left and darknes too,
This land will live in freedom and true.
Diskuze
Terator
preklad je na predchozí strane.
Hmm, mohl jsem vytáhnout několik engliš frází, ale neudělám to. Dříve tu byla velká diskuzem jestli se mají básně v cizím jazyce schvalovat, když ano, tak s překladem. Nejsem zastánce tohoto stylu, ale nechci omezovat nikoho, kdo je natolik dobrý, že to dokáže.
Takže bez hpdnocení.
S pozdravem Terátor
Jo, jsem sorry, ale tohle skutečně neposoudím, zvlášť když ani nevím, o čem ostatní diskutují...
This is very nice, interresting idea
My god, I´m sorry, but the spelling is really terrible... :/ And so is the grammar... One doesn´t really know what to think about it, the mistakes are spoiling all that poetic athmosphere...
However, I still think you have a potential, and if you tried a bit more, and practiced composing both in czech and english, you could come up with something really interresting after some time.
This one made me even think about sending here something similar from my own workshop ;) I´ve got just a few lines I wrote for one story, but if I tried to add something...
Nevermind, :) u try better next time and I´ll... continue to think about makin´ something up... ;))
it is really czenglish .... just notice missing "a/an" and "the". For example it should definetly be .. This Elf was a mighty wizard ....
on the other hand the vocabulary is quite wide .. that means for the author - go on, do not give up and learn gramar, too.
All that I can say, was already said by Kulbar. If you want to write poems in english, you first better learn the language! Sorry, but I can't give you anything else than a zero....well, maybe 1*...for your courage :-)
I do not dare to criticize this poem. I can at most correct some mistypes:
fourious -> furious
elves priest -> elven/elvish priest
"it will came..."? (it came, it had come) "...knows" ? There is a strange mixture of present and past. But may be it is correct in poems. I don't know.
mistyc -> mystic
kults -> cults
"...is his fate" -> it's/that's his fate
peacefull -> peaceful
he didn't want to be a slave of the dragon anymore. (But it would be too long. I understand.)
kill -> killed
heroes mind -> hero's mind
ravange -> revenge
Tragic and horrible fight was there in the cave.
all two fighters was... -> Both the fighters were
"he has called..." ? (he called)
"The dargon was surprised by the strength of this small elf." or "The strength of this small elf surprised the dragon."
"When he hit the hero, he injured himself instead."
"The hero won with triumph in the cave"
"It was a great victory of his courage/bravery."
realit -> reality
...was happy, because he won.
sung -> sang
... there was no place for...
... brought them (desired) freedom. ("desired" just to keep the rhythm)
the shade all left them and the darkness too
... in freedom and truth.
Zde je překlad od autora:
Triumf nad drakom (Preklad)
Hnev tejto dračej beštie,
bol smrtelný a zbesilý,
prišlo jedno stádo, a elfský kňaz
a on nazoja tohto draka dobre poznal.
Tento hrdina prišiel s mystických lesov,
zničil už vela zlých kultov.
Prišiel iba z magickým lukom a nožom,
zabiť tohto zlého tyrana je jeho osud.
He je velmi mierumilovný a statočný,
ale nechcel byť viac drakovým otrokom.
Tento drak zabil z hnevu veľa ludí,
hrdinova mysel volala po pomste.
Tragický a hrozný boj sa odohral v jaskyni,
obydvaja bojovníci boli velmi, velmi statočný.
Elf bol mocný čarodej,
on zavolal ničivú búrku.
Drak bol prekvapený silou tohoto malého elfa,
keď udrel hrdinu, zranil tým seba.
Hrdia triumfálne vyhral v jaskyni,
bolo to velkolepé výťaztvo jeho statočnosti.
Bola to realita, nie sen,
tento elf bol štastný pretože vyhral.
Všetci spievali nádhernú oslavnú pieseň,
v telto krajne nie je miesto pre tragédiu.
Triumf nad drakom,
priniesol všetkým slobodu.
Ludia nikdy nebudú smutný,
pretože ich tyran je mŕtvi.
Tieň odišiel a temnota tiež,
táto krajna bude žiť v slobode a pravde.
Hmmm... ten nápad s básněmí v cizím jazyce se mi líbí. Mohu to hodnotit jen a jen pozitivně. Jinak pár cybek by se možná našlo. Ale i tak - 4* - je to pěkné.